MY ADVENTURES IN ANXIETY (PART DEUX)

 

Jumping ahead.  LOVE ... the worst drug of 'em all.

 

(We've all "been" there... we've all "done" that!)

 

When I take stock of my life, I can recall 3 times in which I have...."quote/ unquote" ....fallen in love.  

 

#1) My first love (aka the first girl that "I" paid attention to).  

 

   The year was 1983. It was a beautiful, sunny day in downtown Detroit.  The air was filled with the sweet aroma of burnt tires, deisel and a hint of fear.  We met at the infamous swing set where 87% of all first romances begin. Here's how it went down!

 

  I was desperatley trying to beat my best friend Gabriel's jump distance (even though we all know that HEIGHT is everything in a swing set jump battle)!!!  On my third attempt....  I bit it BAD!!!  We are talking; woodchips are still imbedded in my head to this day BAD!  Really really bad... I can not stress enough how bad my landing was. However, when I finally recovered and opened my eyes to have a totally warranted, 7 year old, playground breakdown.... THERE SHE WAS! Sara w/ an H, from the 2nd row and 2 desks over from me.  

 

  Sara w/ an H had long strawberry blonde hair w/ a hint of leaves from the late fall dodgeball game,

My Little Pony overalls and a smile that could start a war during snacktime!  I mean ...she had it going on! Needless to say, I had been in love for her for more than 2 weeks!  (My longest infactuation with anyone since Yoda in Empire which came out the previous summer.  I caught the first 30 minutes at the Drive In before zonking out in the back of the Woody Station Wagon.  But I digress.

 

  There she stood, Sara w/ an H! The love of my 7 year old life! LAUGHING HER LITTLE PONY ASS OFF!

What was a boy to do? I had just suffered a terrible trauma, both emotionally and physically.  I swear I could taste blood and my retainer had flown all the way to the tube slide (which,by the way, is also a fucking death trap!!!)  

I had but only one option.  I stood up. I pulled an enormous woodchip out of my ear and I exclaimed...

"THAT WAS AWESOME!"

...She bought it:)

 

  Throughout the two weeks that proceeded said event, Sara w/ an H and I endured quite the love affair.  

(Here's where we insert a montage for the movie!) Chucky Cheese... Speak and Spell... defending her honor w/ my plastic lightsaber and so on.

 

  Where are you now SaraH?  Are you on Facebook... Match.com... are you addicted to perscription pain meds? Anyway, that was the first time I fell in love.

 

 

#2) My second love (aka the first gal that paid attention to me). COMING SOON!

 

#3) My third love (aka the girl that got away because I didn't tie the rope tight enough). COMING SOON!

 

-HENSLEY

 

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